CHILD
CARE COLLOQUIUM 2004
“Single
Mothers Raising Boys”
Presenter: Carlotta
Miles, M.D.
It is
difficult for a young boy to grow into a good community member, husband and
father without a stable loving relationship with a male authority figure. Since so many families live without fathers,
the journey to adulthood, especially for a young boy, can be a difficult
climb. As day care providers and other
childcare professionals who have important ongoing relationships with young
males and their mothers, you can make very meaningful contributions to healthy
child development. Leading our
discussion again this year, Dr. Miles focused on the stressors in families of
single mothers raising boys. Then in a
dialogue with the audience, Dr. Miles explored ideas and ways of helping these
children and their mothers achieve a healthy developmental line.
The
subject of this year’s presentation was chosen by consensus by the child care
workers and others who participated in last year’s Child Care Colloquium. Much debate has accompanied the subject of
single mothers raising boys. In 1965,
Daniel Patrick Moynihan warned that a “community that allows a large number of
young men to grow up in broken families, dominated by women, never acquiring
any stable relationship to male authority…asks for and gets chaos.” The number of such families is
substantial. According to a recent US
Government report, the percentage of children under 18 years of age who live
with their mother only approaches 25% of all children in the
Those
who work every day with young boys and their single mothers deserve respect and
support for this particularly difficult aspect of child care. Drawing on current views in human development
and her extensive work with children and families, Dr. Miles helped us to
appreciate the range of conflicts common to families of single mothers raising
boys. Participants in this year’s Child
Care Colloquium came away with practical suggestions for how to help these
children and their families.
Sponsored by:
The Psychoanalytic
The
The Margaret S. Mahler Psychiatric
Research Foundation, and
Comments from Single
Mothers Raising Boys, held on October 30, 2004:
“Dr.
Miles is phenomenal, this is my four year straight, each year I come back with
a better understanding on whatever her topic may be. Thank you so much, Dr. Miles.” Worker, Baring House,
“[Dr.
Miles] is just excellent!!!” Worker, Baring House,
“The parents that was
reached today is just a fraction of how this workshop should reach out into the
community on a broad scale.” Worker, Tender Tots Day Care Home,
“This
workshop will help me better understand the changes that my sons will go
through. It’s good to see that people
(child providers) can come together and communicate respectful(ly) about children.
This course is very helpful with learning how to understand young boys
and myself.” Worker, Community Concern Daycare,
“(This
workshop) will help me at work, and also with my grandsons. I look forward to
trying some of the ideas I heard today.
I really, really enjoyed the class. I look forward to coming to the next
class. Thank you!!!.” Worker, Community Concern Daycare,
“This
is very eye-opening for me as a single, first time mom of a 3 ½ year-old. A lot of things I was struggling with were
addressed and I am really glad I came.” Worker. Busy Bee's
Ø
To
identify the adult behavior that supports masculine development in young boys.
Ø
To
understand the importance of boys learning to express frustration and other
feelings in words, and the need for teaching
this important
skill as a necessary part of masculine development.
Ø
To
recognize the difficulties a single mother may have in accepting masculine
traits in a young male.
Ø
To
acquire practical skills in helping a single mother recognize and respond
to her small son’s maleness in ways that
positively
affect the child’s sense of himself.